Welcome to My World

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Oui,
c'

’est
moi

 

American by blood, Lebanese by marriage, French by naturalization.

San Francisco, Boston, Milan, Paris, Casablanca, Vancouver. 

Wife to Fadi and mom to two grown kids. A 27-year career in the fashion industry.

13 years of training in alternative healing practices.

 
 

 
 
 

This is My World

THE GLAMOROUS ME.

I’m proud of my life story because it hasn’t always been easy, but who would’ve guessed? Since graduating from Colby College in Maine, I’ve moved all over the world for my husband’s job and still had an impressive career. I’ve worked with some of the most renowned names and brands in fashion and cinema: Harper’s Bazaar, Vogue Italy, Gucci, Chanel, Peter Lindbergh, Spike Lee, Monica Bellucci, Dennis Hopper, Stella McCartney, Neiman Marcus and Nordstrom. I climbed up the ladder quickly at any cost. It had been my childhood dream to work in fashion, so I never even stopped to ask if I was happy. I was lucky, and I was committed, and I wasn’t about to give my job away to anyone. Here’s the thing though, I was giving my soul away. And halfway through, I was caught in all the perks of a glamorous career that sounded amazing but left me feeling disempowered.


THE HIGH FUNCTIONING ANXIETY ME.

It was 2005. I was stressed out and not spending enough quality time with my family. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I had it all, except I was lying to myself. I was lonely and depressed. I had the beautiful apartment, two gorgeous kids, and a loving husband. But, I was voiceless, intimidated by my bosses and impatient with my family. I was too ashamed to tell anyone. And I had “I’m-not-enough” syndrome. I’m… not doing enough, not working out enough, not with my kids enough, not having sex enough… I was 36 and burnt out. In order to succeed in my career, I had allowed myself to change as my family watched from the sidelines. 

“In order to succeed in my career,

I had allowed myself to change as my family watched from the sidelines.” 

MY LIFE WAS OFF-BALANCE.

At that time, I was a die-hard fashionista, not a spiritual person. The only notion of spirituality I had was listening to Handel’s Messiah every Christmas. I preferred multitasking over sitting still. Going for a jog over yoga. I did NOT believe in ‘energy’, let alone know what it meant. So, it took a lot out of me to kick off my Louboutin’s, slip into my vintage Colby sweats and consciously take inventory of my life. I didn’t like what I saw. 

The truth is, my dream job made me cry, my exotic marriage was a mess, my cross-culture kids were struggling at the French Lycée and more often than once I’d forgotten where I’d parked my car. My life was off balance. The line between my work and private life blurred. I was taking client calls on the chairlift during family ski weekends. At work, I struggled with asking for time off, and when a client called I’d get so nervous I’d shake. I was irritated and angry. I’d had enough. My wake-up call was not even my own unhappiness, but my family’s. The nonstop arguing. The ‘I want a divorce’ talk. My 9-year old daughter’s nervous tics and my 12-year old son’s bad grades. I filled my diary with tears as I tried to understand what was going on. I was missing out on my life and my family. I was missing out on being ME.


TIME TO QUIT, TIME FOR THE GUILT-TRIP.

Going against my husband’s wishes because we needed the money, I decided to quit my job. I was risking my marriage, our financial freedom and what I believed was my identity. It was the first time I had ever put myself first. Ever. And I felt guilty. I was supposed to work, I was supposed to juggle motherhood and a career, I should’ve been contributing to the family fund. What if I couldn’t ever find another job again? It took a long time for me to get over the guilt. But, by quitting my job, I created space for solutions, inspiration and much needed deep inner healing. Ever since, I've been on a path of change, discovery and reconnection to my true self. This is how it happened:

“By quitting my job, I created space for solutions, inspiration and deep inner healing.”

REIKI SAVED MY LIFE.

Out of desperation to help my daughter and after a year of various doctor visits, I followed my friend’s advice to call a Reiki master. We both had weekly sessions and after a month, her tics magically disappeared. I know that my daughter healed because I was healing. Quitting my stressful job, spending quality time with her, receiving Reiki treatments, and learning its philosophy. Reiki saved my life, my marriage, and my family. In Reiki I discovered stillness. I figured out my priorities and my values. I learned how to stop producing negative energy. It was the first “tool” I learned to bring me back to my truth. 

YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOURSELF. 

My daughter’s dramatic healing was a lesson that when we cultivate our own nature everything else follows. We can’t change anyone but ourselves. I had to stop trying to make my husband do things he didn’t want to do - like the laundry and kids’ homework. I had to stop comparing my dyslexic and ADHD children to their smart American cousins. Letting go of changing others meant bringing in trust. I slowed down. I stopped overextending myself. I began listening to my family instead of trying to control them. I began listening to my own needs instead of doing what others expected of me. 

“I began listening to my family instead of trying to control them.

I began listening to my own needs instead of doing what others expected of me.” 

MY TEACHERS HAVE TAUGHT ME TO BE COMFORTABLE IN MY OWN SKIN. 

Once I started to be more present, over the years my teachers showed up. Amma, Jack Kornfield, Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, Vicki Noble, Eckhart Tolle… and I started taking every training: Reiki, mindfulness, breathwork, tarot and more. My confidence came back, and in the end I found more satisfying jobs in fashion, my marriage improved, my kids went to college, we moved all over the world as a happy expat family… and since 2011 I’ve been helping other women turn their obstacles into opportunity. Life doesn’t have to be easy. It just has to be worth it.

I LOVE MYSELF.

Today, I know how to outsmart my anxiety-prone mind. My pockets are full of tools. The lows are less low and don’t last long. I found my way out, it’s not perfect, but it’s peaceful and rewarding. I truly love who I am, and it makes every day better. Today I know that ‘spirituality’ is more than Handel’s Messiah. I don’t need a ritual, nor a church. It’s about being the best I can be with myself and with others. It’s about integrating the Five Ideals of Reiki into every aspect of my life, every day.


I STARTED WITH ME, NOW LET'S START WITH YOU.

I want to offer you the best of what I’ve learned: bringing together three decades of international experience in the fashion industry, eleven years of studies and training in healing techniques, and seven years of creating miracles with my clients. If you’re going through stress and find yourself anxious and worried all the time, I’m here to help you. Let’s work on reconnecting you to that place inside you where peace resides. Through my method, I’ve seen women change jobs, speak up, become more confident, trust their path, and bring love into their lives. I am honored to help women all over the world live their dreams and connect to the deeper meaning in their lives.

“If you’re going through stress and find yourself anxious and worried all the time,

I’m here to help you.”

Love,
Susan Oubari

 
 
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